Requiem for Reality

Current Mood: More like a state of acceptance than mood.
Listening to: Crystal Method - Bad Stone d-_-b

Yeah so I got into grad school. I'm actually just waiting on them to allow me to schedule my classes. I still feel like I should've done more. Like I know that if I would have applied myself more in areas that most shy away from out of fear of work, I would have excelled. Instead I chose the path of least resistance. I took my talents and sought challenges in more trivial endeavors. So now here I am 28 (oh yeah I had a birthday in case you forgot), and 2 years away from a masters in clinical social work.

It's not that it's an easy degree, by no means. It's not that it's a bad profession. I just feel like I let myself down. On the other hand, I am one of those people that believes every decision has a purpose. Perhaps I was merely a catalyst, which triggerd an idea, and gave birth to thought. From one utterance, or one glance. Who is to say?

Did your life change for the better, or was I a hindrance? I think we both know the answer. This life is amazing is all I'm saying. I have everything I could ever need. The things I want, well...somethings are just out of reach. It's important that we accept that. Somethings aren't possible.

How do I know for sure?

Because, I believe anything is possible given enough time, energy, and mindfulness. But that's just it. How often do we actually give anything enough of these? We build limitations inside our mind. We defeat ourselves even in our dreams because we all believe we would have failed. Well maybe not all of us. Maybe we did give it a try. Perhaps it was something from the past that made you unable to retain that information, or a thought you had a split moment that drew your attention away. Which ultimately made you lose your train of thought.

Which brought you here in the first place. So it was going to happen. One way or another.

And that was the moment that it all changed. The moment you knew nothing would ever be the same again. That you knew that there was something that was missing. And you thought to yourself...there it is, the something I have been missing. However, when you realize it that is when the soul is crushed.

You didn't say it. You didn't pass that test. You didn't take that turn, to follow that car to see where she went. You walked in the out door just as I was leaving. I smiled because in another reality we were one. And now...well...this is the reality we chose. I remember saying that.

Reality isn't a dream. No matter where you go there it is. It it not a fairy tale. You did or you didn't. However, what will you do next?